The Friendliest Man in the World?
Meet Mark Apel, which rhymes with “Lapel”
A Story of Two Guys, One of Whom is Tall and Handsome
Glad to meet you. In the photo above, I am the tall, handsome man with good teeth, on the left. Oh, wait, that’s Mark. I am the shorter, plumpish guy on the right. Darn.
Not only that, but Mark has another considerable advantage over you and me. Mark is possibly the friendliest, most gregarious man in the world. He can’t walk down the street without spotting someone and stopping to say hello.
***
Meet Mr. Greg Arious
Before we proceed, we need to clarify what the word ‘gregarious’ means. I had always used it to denote a person who is outgoing, eager to greet others, and to have a chat.
Not exactly. Here’s the definition and origin.
Gregarious. Fond of company; sociable. Originates from the Latin grex, meaning “flock” or “herd”. It evolved to mean “sociable” people, also being group-oriented.
As I contemplated writing about Mark, it occurred to me: an outgoing, gregarious personality could also be a critical asset for good mental health.
As we age, it becomes harder to make new friends; that leads to social isolation, which is almost as bad for your health as better-known health risks, like smoking.
***
Mark, Through the Years
Mark and I met as Peace Corps volunteers in Morocco over 40 years ago. Life then separated us for decades, as it often does. One of us had to initiate a reunion.
I retired in 2020 and got the crazy idea to join van life. Soon, I got hooked on it. In December 2023, my second full year on the road, I was on my way down to Mexico in a mini-campervan with my dog, Mr. Bones. Mark invited me to stop in Bisbee for a visit.
Meet Bisbee, Arizona, a small town of 5,000 people, located in the Mule Mountains, southeast of Tucson, some ten miles from the border with Mexico. On arrival, I was amused to see a lot of aging, long-haired hippie people from the ‘60s and ‘70s. The air downtown was redolent with the scent of weed. Nobody bothered to hide their stash.
Bisbee has an abundance of quirky, far-out art in shops and murals painted on the walls, giving it a surreal air. I suggest renaming the town, “Frisbee.” I got the feeling the town was spinning and floating on air, and not firmly anchored to the ground.
***
Something Is Fishy Here
How did Mark become a fishery volunteer in the Peace Corps, and how did he later wind up in the small town of Bisbee?
More importantly, how did he become the friendliest man in the world?
Here is Mark as a teen in Eastern PA, near Philly. He was a skinny, impossibly long-legged H.S. kid on the left, below, who weighed just 85 pounds his freshman year.
Was he cool? Hey, he played the flugelhorn in the marching band, man.
A band nerd! That could be social suicide in high schools like mine, but his high school had one of the best marching bands on the East Coast. Being in band was cool.
He also took after his mother and his grandfather, both very gregarious people..
As a kid, Mark recalls having no awareness of this gift or knowing this personality trait might be a great asset in life, one that would see him through many adventures.
When I asked how the trait came out, Mark said he grew up playing music and performing. In college, he sang and played guitar at coffeehouses. These experiences reduced shyness, allowing him to meet lots of people and embark on new adventures.
(Meanwhile, I tried to learn trombone in grade and high school, but was so bad at it that the high school band director despaired. Some of us don’t have musical ability. Life consists of trying to identify one’s gifts and to overcome one’s limitations.)
***
Facing the Chasm of the Future
After graduating from college and facing the great, gaping chasm of the future after graduation, Mark and a friend had a deep discussion about what to do with their lives:
“What are you gonna do?”
“I dunno – what are you gonna do?”
“I dunno.”
“Hey, let’s join the Peace Corps.”
“Oh, that sounds awesome, dude!”
His friend did not jump on it, but Mark joined Peace Corps and went to Morocco to build fish farms in the desert. If you wonder how to build fish ponds in a desert with no water, so do I. Mark said, “Building fish ponds in the desert turned out NOT to be practical. Plus, people were used to eating chicken and goat. That’s Peace Corps.“
Mark found improbable ways to connect with people. The manager of the nearby Club Med was a friend of his, and let him in to hang out, listen to music, and dance.
It figures.
Later, Mark switched to wildlife management in the High Atlas Mountains. Moving to the mountains with no running water or electricity was very isolating. He spent his time chasing wild sheep and asking them how they would like to be managed: “Show me the money, Jerry!” The job affirmed his lifelong commitment to wildlife work.
This highlights other aspects of Mark’s personality, including a sense of integrity and a willingness to commit to things that matter. This may be why I respect him so much.
***
The Great Separation that Is Adult Life
After Peace Corps, we all lost touch with each other. Back in prehistoric times, before the Internet, email, and cellphones, young people kept moving in search of jobs, so letters came back, marked, ‘Undeliverable” or stamped with the enigmatic “M.N.F.A.”
Fast forward through the decades.
Mark earned a master’s degree in African Studies, worked for the National Park Service in Philadelphia, then moved to Arizona in 1990 to manage a remote, 52,000-acre nature preserve. In 1997, Mark moved to Bisbee as a county land use planner.
If you don’t want to know what land use planners do, don’t ask him. He will tell you.
Mark describes Bisbee as a quaint, former mining community virtually abandoned by Copper Queen mining in the late 70’s, then gradually taken over by artists, authors, and hippies mystically drawn there from afar by the powerful Bisbee vibe.
Town mottos include “A Liberal Oasis in a Conservative Desert” and “Bisbee, Like Mayberry on Acid.” Festivals and events that draw in thousands include Alice in Wonderland Days, Pirate Weekend (Don’t ask), and the Bisbee 1000 Stair Climb.
They have one thing in common. Mark is in the crowd, smiling and shaking hands.
***
Mark is for the Birds
Gregarious Mark likes to be part of the flock.
Not surprisingly, he is an ardent birder. When I visited in late 2023, he suggested spending New Year’s Eve at Whitewater Draw, a large local wetland located near Bisbee, to see thousands of tall Sandhill Cranes that had migrated from the north.
He also drove me around town, showing me the sights. Every few minutes, he spotted a friend, hit the brakes, and pulled off the road. Each time, he would turn to me and say, ‘Excuse me, but I haven’t seen so and so for a long time, like a day or two, and I need to say hello and see how he’s doing. I’ll be right back.” (A day or two?)
Mark would shout a greeting, leap out of the car, and dash across the street to meet the person, shaking their hand enthusiastically, grinning broadly while talking.
Just watching him repeat this routine exhausted me. This scenario repeated itself a dozen times during the driving tour.
***
Bisbee Flash Mobs!
On New Year’s Day, the annual Bisbee walking parade took place.
It began with a simple meal of black eyed peas. Everyone selected costumes and circus props like giant clown shoes and picked out wacky Rube Goldberg musical instruments, like the multiple-drum contraption on wheels, shown above.
I had never marched in a parade, but the craziness grabbed me. I became a clown. When I looked at Mark, he was back in the marching band, playing the drums.
Of course, Mark knew everybody in the parade. Now I saw why he loved Bisbee.
Although I had quite enjoyed my first year and a half on the road, seeing new things, going new places, everywhere I went, I was a stranger and often alone.
Mark’s example had shown me that living in a small, friendly town had advantages.
***
Viva Mexico!
I planned to head south to Mexico for the winter. Mark knew everybody from Bisbee to Baja. He had gone down there many times with friends on motorcycle trips.
I asked him if it was dangerous. “No,” Mark said. “Just take the Federal Road. It’s fine.”
Mark suggested crossing the border at Nogales, Arizona, and heading to a fishing village, Kino Bay – also known as “Bisbee South.” He gave me the names of several Bisbeeites who drove down there for the winter. “Tell them I sent you.”
Retirement – Life Before Death?
In late 2024, I drove through Bisbee again, and we met for lunch. He was getting ready to retire, so he could dedicate all his time to touring the town and greeting people.
Not really. He says he’s going to dial it back on the “Gregarious Scale,” but I’m not convinced. He might; many of us get less group-y and more grumpy as we age.
We talked about his upcoming retirement and where he might want to go in his campervan. An avid traveler and a bit envious of all my van travels, he wanted to hit the road more. He’s got a lot of catching up to do. There are 330 million Americans.
It might take him a while—maybe a month?--to meet them all.
***
It occurred to me to ask Mark if he had thought about running for mayor of Bisbee. He had the requisite experience, education, and character, and people liked him.
He said friends had asked him to run for mayor, but he knew that the current mayor spent a lot of time mediating neighborly squabbles—and Mark values his harmony and his new free time over playing referee and arbitrating heated personal disputes.
It made me realize a gregarious person who enjoys positive interactions and making friends may be disinclined to take a job that could lead to negative interactions.
***
Thinking ahead, I wonder what happens to a gregarious person like Mark when they die. As each person files by to pay their respects, I see his coffin popping open. Mark sits up to greet them. “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. Thanks for stopping by.”
The look on their faces is priceless.
Can You Become a Groupie?
What really interests me is how his personality made him such an integral member of the community, not through blind ambition, but because he enjoys meeting people.
Next: Can a shy person become more gregarious? A group-y?
***
Yes, a bit. Here are practical steps to take.:
A. Use “bridges” or safe structures
Join interest-based small groups. Keep expectations low. Go as an observer.
If small talk feels awkward, try using structured conversation formats.
B. Curate gathering and moderate expectations
It’s okay not to click with everyone. Don’t try every single group opportunity.
Avoid being harsh: “I’m here to try it out; I don’t have to click with everyone.”
C. Take “micro social risks” weekly
Set a small goal: talk to one person you don’t know well, ask a question, or say hi.
Start with spots with shorter interactions — coffee shops, bookstores, etc.
Keep a log of what felt okay, what was awkward, and what to try next time.
D. Build better conversational skills
Prepare a few go-to stories or turning-point anecdotes that you can share.
Practice small talk transitions: after the weather, ask about their background.
Use follow-up questions: “You mentioned X earlier — tell me more about that.”
E. Create “social scaffolds”
Pair up with a travel or writing buddy who can introduce you socially.
Volunteer in local causes
Reconnect with old friends via email or social media; ask for in-person catch-ups.
On reflection, I admire how well Mark has integrated his outgoing personality into his professional life and his community interactions. It works well.
Mark’s favorite Maya Angelou quote: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people never forget how you made them feel.”
OK. Mark, just once, I’d like to be the tall, good-looking one. Can you do that for me?
What’s Next?
I’m curious to know your reaction to this blog post. Are you gregarious or shy? Do you find it easy to meet people and make friends, or is it a challenge? Is it getting harder as you get older? Do you feel alone or isolated, and do you want to find a solution?
Next week, instead of presenting an interview, I will present some other material, such as how-to information about van life, or “why do.” Why should you hit the road, for example, and leave behind the comforts of home? I suspect we need more why-do.
Very nice article. Thanks for introducing us to Mark and the practical tips on making new friends. Love the Maya Angelo quote.